


Pussycat Prince Takes a Stroll

by Rumoris



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, animal bride folklore, fairytale retelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29258976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rumoris/pseuds/Rumoris
Summary: The McCormick family was poor as church mice. No, even mice had at least some wealth hid between nooks and crannies of their home and at least they were not so keen on selling their home bit by bit to support their harmful habits. So upon realizing that there is nothing left to sell the king decides to send out three of his kids with the hope that they will find a partner and bring money back to the kingdom. Two of them lucked out a fair direction, but the middle one... Worse, their parents require them to bring proof that they had found someone!Will Kenny fail at his mission or accept the help of a rowdy feline who happens to enjoy ordering him around?
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Pussycat Prince Takes a Stroll

When it came to royal families the house of the McCormicks always stood out like a sore thumb. The head of the family, King Stuart had thrown away all of their money for horse races, cheap wine and beer. Eventually his wife had followed in his wake, taking up his husband’s expensive hobbies to the point that one day they had to realize, there was nothing left to spend. Because of this, the huge court could only afford a handful of servants who were all more focused on taking the remaining family treasures than doing their tasks around the castle. Without maintenance, walls began to crumble and slowly the family started to barricade away the unusable parts of their home. Eventually decay reached their three kids, forcing them out of their cozy rooms, straight into the kitchen where only a single chef tried to do wonders with stale vegetables, buckwheat and meat from the oldest animals they could fetch. 

Soon a saying took wings _“I can’t really complain, after all, I’m richer than our king”_ among their people, hitting the final nail in the coffin of their reputation. The person who once challenged the fiery king of the wastes and flew to the dark side of the moon on the back of a crow was not nothing more than a laughing stock and an example of poor decisions.

The middle son Kenneth McCormick could only sigh at the thought, leaning his legs against the wall, as he was lying on a small wooden bench between baskets of potatoes. One of his arms was resting on his chest, while the other brushed against the surface of the cold stone floor. There was nothing in the castle that could have helped him use his time wisely. No toys. No weapons to practice with. The only things his parents couldn’t turn into money (yet) were the dusty books in their library, and only because nobody was really interested in old bindings and common prints.

As he closed his eyes to doze off, something heavy landed on his stomach, pushing the air out of him.

“Really, Kenny,” his big brother stood over him. “This is where we keep the buckwheat.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to bury me in it,” Kenny protested, sitting up as his legs slid against the wall down back to earth. “Besides, it’s not like there is anything to do around here anymore. I’m not even sure why we are here.”

“And where do you want to go with no money?”

“Somewhere,” the boy shrugged. “At this point anywhere would better than here. We could take Karen and build a home somewhere else.”

At his naive words Kevin could only shook his head, furrowing his brows at Kenny’s naiveté. “We are not exactly good at anything and in order to get a job, you need experience even in a small village. Nobody wants their wares to be ruined by greenhorn.” he sat down next to Kenny, taking the bag in his lap. 

“There has to be a way,” Kenny gritted his teeth. It’s not like he didn’t know the answer.

“Royalty marries. Plots of lands and wealth are shared when the kids move away. And this is how it goes ever since someone realized that this is a great way to get rich fast. The only way there is to pray you don’t get an ugly haggard or the evil stepmom type who kills you for--”

“For this sack of potatoes?” Kenny snickered, finally sitting up once he got bored of staring at his brother’s chin. “I’m not sure if you have noticed but we are poorer than the church mice. In fact, I have seen them laughing at me just now. Little Timmy just got his first slice of cheese today.” 

Kevin’s answer was to push Kenny’s head down with his palm, earning a dissatisfied _hey_ from his brother as he tried to wriggle himself back into a sitting position.

“Has anyone ever told you that you are the heart of the party?” Kevin flopped down next to him with a huff, causing the bench to shake beneath their shared weight. 

“Don’t be an arse.”

“Come on. It is my brotherly duty to annoy my little brother,” he announced, ruffling Kenny’s hair. “And I can’t just tease Karen. That would be cruel.” 

“Sometimes you should,” a third voice joined in. They both looked towards the door that connected the kitchen to the rest of the castle. Karen the youngest of the three just gave them a lopsided smile as she stepped in front of her siblings, folding her arms. “I’m not dense, nor a delicate princess to be protected. Boys, I grew up with you two!”

She shook her head in disbelief, but didn’t get any reaction for her statement. It was because she grew up with two brothers and no female role model that she was often criticized to be too tomboyish and unfit for the role of a royal leader whose job was to nod along quietly. Little did they know that Karen’s confidence faded the moment she stepped outside. As if a wizard just waved his magic wand, the girl reverted back to her shy old self, who couldn’t find her words anymore. If anyone had seen her with her brothers and alone, they would probably think that there are two princesses and there is some kind of mischief going on in the McCormick family. 

They expected her to sit down, so the boys wordlessly slid to the two ends of the bench, but Karen just folded her arms.

“I am here because mom is calling for you two. And me by the way, but I was already at hand.” 

“I didn't do it!” Kenny cut into her words almost immediately, then gave her a dumbfounded look when he realized she was not there to talk about the tiny miniature he accidentally broke when he tried to break his own running record in the hallway. He hid the pieces under his bed. He could only hope that the small statue depicting a raccoon and a cat fighting each other was not on the list of things his parents wanted to sell in the near future.

“No. You certainly did something,” Kevin noted. “And if our parents were different, I’d rush to them to tattle on you, but by the look of things… Good job, lil’ bro. I hope you will break something else.”

“As long as you leave the library alone,” Karen added with a nod. 

The boys reluctantly jumped to their feet and they were surprised when their sister led them to the small courtyard within the castle’s walls. Only the small path covered by rocks was usable, the rest of the garden was taken over by weeds and shrubs that popped out of the ground after the birds left in spring. Along the road fruit trees reached towards the siblings, as if they were begging for some attention or to be liberated from the parasites and mushrooms that slowly sapped away their will to live. There was only a small part of the garden that was not taken over by weed, and the only reason why that happened was because Karen took matters into her own hand and she would often do the job of the gardener who was fired years ago.

Kenny couldn’t help but feel disgust in the pit of his stomach as he realized that their parents wantonly took away the little corner Karen had created for herself. They did not move a stone in the entire castle, yet they were quick to claim anything pretty the kids have found for themselves only to ruin it. Now that the garden was discovered he just had the feeling that it will soon revert back to its original state and all three of them will be prohibited from entering the place. 

They stopped around two feet away from their parents, lined up with Karen in the middle. They could barely imagine a scenario where they had to run from their parents, but old habits die hard if ever.

Their mother stood behind the small chair their father took a seat on. Even at first glance Kenny noticed that there was a bottle of wine and two glasses on the small table they managed to salvage from an abandoned farm. However, he couldn’t determine what were the three long objects glistening in the afternoon sun. Furrowing his brows, he turned toward his father almost as if he was demanding some sort of answer. 

“It’s good to see that you… ah, have all arrived,” his father stopped mid-sentence as if he forgot where he was. “As you might have noticed our family is in a bit of aaaa, so to say, financial problem. A tiny bit. Not much, because we still have cellars full of wine, but not enough to actually rule a kingdom. Then we thought, hey we have three kids!”

Kenny instinctively stepped closer to Karen, fearing where this talk might lead them. 

Stuart McCormick stood up as gracefully as a newborn calf, alcohol quickly rushing to his head and pushing him back to his seat for a second attempt.

“I hope you are not thinking about shooting us down with those fancy arrows,” Kevin pointed out. As the oldest, he was the one who usually took over whenever they had to talk with their parents since Kenny hated conflicts and avoided them at all cost. Even now, he stood tall, speaking the thought that went through all three of them.

“Shooting down, you? Nah,” his father waved, this time managing to stand on his own feet. “Actually, ‘tis be a great chance for you to show us that you are actually worth something. Kevin, you get the bronze arrow because you just can’t shut your goddamned mouth. Kenneth, you can take the plain arrow, no hard feelings, but you can’t expect me to give you a golden one. Karen, you can have the silver arrow that we made when we sent our coins back to the mint..”

The siblings looked at each other, not understanding a thing about what was happening to them. When they looked at their mother, she just shrugged.

“Now then, I will throw these arrows and you will have a day to get out of my castle and find yourself someone. My only term is that the person needs to be wealthy, preferably someone from a good family. A prince or princess.”

“And how do the arrows come into play?” Kenny raised his voice, doing his best to hide the fact that his body was shaking. He did not want to live in the castle anymore, but at the same time, he had no idea how he would survive outside without any money.

“Oh those,” his father turned around, then by lowering his arm holding the arrows, he threw them up into the sky. As the fell back onto the grass, each pointed into a different direction. Pulling a map out of his pocket, Stuart announced the results with the tone that would be more fit to the keeper of a market stall. “Kevin won himself a chance to explore the North, not bad, definitely not bad. As for Karen, it seems like the silver really brought her luck, because she can go towards the major direction of a neighboring small kingdom. As for Kenny…” he stopped, glancing at his own son with remnants of pity in his eyes. “Well, son, better get well dressed because you will have to try your luck in the East.” 

“What?!” Kenny asked, this time his voice jumped high. He felt cold and even in the warm sunlight colour rushed out of his face. “You can’t just send me there! You can’t!”

“Well the arrows have spoken, so apparently, I can. Besides I am also your father so I can DOUBLE it! I could send you to work on a ship and all you could say _yes father_ , so bless your luck that I didn’t do that! So think about what seems better, working on a dirty ship to bring money to the house or walking.”

He didn’t have any strength to answer. Everything turned into a jumbled mess as he realized that in the map of their small kingdom east meant the wastelands. A wilderness. No man’s land…

“There is no way that I will find anyone there,” he mumbled under his breath, staring at the arrow as if it personally betrayed him, however, the final blow was actually delivered by his own father,

“Then you won’t. If you do find someone, be sure to bring back a bouquet and a golden coin as proof.”

Kenny desperately wanted to sit down, let his body hit the ground until the shock left his body, but fortunately a hand quickly appeared under his arm, firmly pulling him up. 

“This is ridiculous,” Kevin spat, but he lost his confidence when their mother cut into the argument, her voice holding anger and contempt. 

“Ridiculous or not, this is what we have decided on and as our kids you have no choice but to obey.”

“Give us a good reason to return? What if we just stay in the town we have found?” Kevin asked, still holding Kenny up as Karen patted the boy’s back.

“Then you won’t see a single coin from your inheritance.” Stuart answered, running a finger past his chin. 

“As if we had any…” 

“You have. You just need to marry and it will be all yours.”

So that was their plan all along. Since the library did not bring them any money and they were unable to sell it, they kept digging and digging until they found a tiny loophole and a way to strip their own kids from their almost nonexistent fortune. As if they would give that money to their kids… 

And yet, as they stood there, looking up at the tall walls of the castle, the mauve colored falls and the white ornaments, and flowers made of stone they realized while they were not loyal to their parents in any way, the castle was their home and the kingdom deserved much better than two incompetent fools who drank away the treasury. 

The siblings did not answer to the statement, they just turned around, marching away from the garden with the melancholy of a beaten army. 

Without realizing where their legs took them, they arrived at the saloon, its red walls covered with wooden ornaments painted golden. The two ceramic stoves in the two sides of the small room stood cold as they had no wood left to burn. 

Kenny sat on the sofa, burying his head into his hands as he slumped forward. Kevin kept pacing around like a lion who wants to get out of his cage, while Karen resumed her caresses, moving her palm in circular motion on his brother’s back as if that was the only thing keeping Kenny from bursting into tears. 

“We have to get back at them somehow,” Kevin walked around, staring at the expensive parquet beneath his feet. “But how? How can we get them out of the way without resorting to murder?” 

He growled when nothing came to his mind.

“Well, they want us to marry…” Karen mused, putting a finger to her lips. “If any of us marries someone without them knowing we can always retake the castle by the army of the foreign kingdom.”

“It wouldn’t work,” Kevin cut away her thought. “That way we would be invading our own country and the people might see us as illegitimate rulers. We need a way to get them out of the way, and get back our home while keeping people on our side. Ken?”

“Well, for starters it would be nice if the public was on our side to begin with,” Kenny mumbled his voice hoarse from the tears he tried to hold back. “But building a public image will be impossible if we are away from home.”

Swallowing back his tears, he closed his mouth fearing that words will open the floodgates.

“How about this, we all do what they want, for now,” Karen suggested. “We set out, gather allies while also representing the kingdom so when they time comes and we return to request what belongs to us, they have to give in to pressure.”

“That… could actually work.” Kevin nodded in agreement. “Just when did you become so sly and good at conspiracies?”

The girl only smiled.

“That’s what happens when your parents can’t sell the royal library.”

Kenny wanted to praise her, tell his sister that she had grown so much but the words got stuck in his throat, refusing to come forward. In his mind, all he could see was the wilderness, the ruins left be the cursed kingdom, and the toxic marshland that reached deep into the mountains.

Even if his siblings found a way to turn the tables, he was doomed. He can’t even bring home a fake bouquet to save his own skin! It will be a miracle if he can find a single pansy and kept it alive on his way home. And the coin? The more he thought about, the more lost he felt as if suddenly every door just closed right in front of his nose.

He kept himself together up until the moment they went to sleep. In the darkness of the shock, the fear of his doubts all crashed together over his head, bringing forth pitiful sobs that kept echoing in his cold room. Suddenly it seemed like life really wanted to write him off as a casualty of their parents’s crazy plan to get rich.

**Author's Note:**

> So... HERE IT IS. The thought had been around ever since I accidentaly ended up watching the Hungarian Folktales on youtube and somehow ended up realizing how many of them I've missed for whatever reasons. So this one os a fairly direct retelling of the Macskacicó (Pussycat Princess)! Gotta admit I kind of wish English had a similarly fun way to call the cat in this story.... orz
> 
> It will be certainly a bit different from a regular fairytale.


End file.
